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Definition: Biblical discipleship is intentionally impacting the life of
someone in the direction of Christlikeness. So it is
Intentional
Impacting
Personal
Christlike
The Basics of Discipleship
Deverloped in the
Concepts' Short Topic entitled "Seven
Principles of Biblical Discipleship,"
the basics of biblical discipleship:
(1) Is being there in-the-flesh
(2) Is reproductive-not just productive
(3) Invites personal discovery
(4) Reasons, persuades, and gives evidence
(5) Counts the cost
(6) Is giving
(1) Be with them
Discipleship is incarnational. It can only be done in-the-flesh. It cannot be
done at a distance. It cannot be done taking your children to a Christian
school, Sunday school, or youth program. It can only be done by you being
physically with them. Quality time can only be purchased with quantity. A
photographer once told me, "The secret to taking top-quality pictures is to
take a lot of pictures." Quality only comes from quantity. Discipleship is
done "when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you
lie down and when you rise up" (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). This is especially true
with teenagers (Proverbs 5:1-2).
Governing the activities of teens has nothing to do with discipling them.
(2) Do things which they can reproduce
The point of discipling our children is for them to take ownership of the truth
about God. The goal is not to keep them occupied with something safe.
Entertainment, for example, is generally not aimed at reproduction. If our
discipleship amounts to Christian entertainment (whether it be videos, puppet
shows or youth group leaders), it will probably not transfer to our children. We
don't tend to reproduce entertainment because it appears to require a specific
talent or is simply beyond our interest. Just because I am entertained by a
symphony orchestra does not mean I want to play the violin. What children are
able to reproduce are the moral and theological values we live by (Deuteronomy
6:1-2).
(3) Create a context which encourages discovering truth
The difference between parenting and discipling is
Parenting sets boundaries--discipleship encourages discovery.
Children need both. But divorce ends parenting. In the Bible, parenting is never
outside the context of marriage. A divorced single parent should not try to
parent their children except in the basic sense of physical safety. But they can
and should disciple their children. Even though they cannot be a complete parent
without being married to the child's mother or father (death of a spouse being
an exception), they can be a friend and hence a discipler who provides a context
for discovering biblical moral righteousness. With married parents the child is
required to keep the boundaries they set but the parents are required to create
a context where learning godly values can be discovered (Proverbs 22:6,
Colossians 3:21).
(4) Explain your actions
Another difference between parenting and discipling is
Parenting disciplines--discipleship explains.
Children need both. Kids are little bundles of chaos who need discipline. Only
parents married to a childıs mother or father will have much success at that.
But discipleship reasons, explains, and gives evidence (Isaiah 1:8; Proverbs
2:11-14; Acts 17:1-4; 18:4; 19:8-10). Paul told fathers to bring up their
children "in the discipline and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians
6:4). You can train your dog by discipline without instruction but you cannot
disciple your children that way. Of course small children are not always capable
of understanding. But,
If you can't justify your actions to your teenagers, they are probably not
justifiable.
(5) Make them a priority
We should never make our children a priority over God or our spouse. It's
unbiblical and will not lead to the discipleship of our children, anyway. But we
must be willing to pay the cost of making our children a priority over our job,
our social agenda, our church, our in-laws, parents, and hobbies.
The cost of discipleship is time.
The time required to disciple your teens is even greater because
with young children, they join your schedule.
with teenagers, you join their schedule.
Jesus said, "no one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back,
is fit for the Kingdom of God" (Luke 9:61-62). His illustration is a
one-horse plow which will veer off to the side very quickly if you don't give it
your full attention. You cannot use a one-horse plow, or disciple your children,
if you plan to be sidetracked by a lot of other interests.
(6) Give to them, expecting nothing in return
Paul told us, "God loves a cheerful giver" (2 Corinthians 9:7). The
main thing which keeps giving from being cheerful is when we expect a return
thinking our children will pay us back with respect, gratitude, or
accomplishments we can be proud of. When paybacks are omitted from our giving
motive, we are free to enjoy giving by itself. Many parents express that they
love their children but don't seem to enjoy them. They want to "get away
from them for awhile" or they can't wait for them to grow up so they can do
all those things they really want to do. This attitude is easily picked up by
children and tends to eliminate discipleship. We might ask ourselves how we
would feel if God felt that way about us.
(7) Teach them they belong to God
Just like your money and your possessions, your children don't belong to you.
They were given to you by God to be a caretaker in their lives for a little
while (Psalm 127:3-5). Your job is to give them an eternal perspective. Iıd
like to suggest that the odds are about 90% that
If your kids have an eternal perspective, theyıll probably make it.
If they don't, they won't.
Godly men and women come from boys and girls who have an eternal perspective on
life (1 Corinthians 1:18, 21).
Questions and Answers
Q: As a parent, how can you disciple your child?
A: By exercising the seven basics listed here.
Q: Whatıs the difference between discipling teens and
discipling young children?
A: Young children listen to what you say. Teens
watch what you do.
Q: What can I expect to be the result of discipling my
children?
A: Let me answer that with three observations:
(1) Almost everyone who has a good discipler turns
out to be a good man or woman.
(2) Good people
will not usually pass on their
goodness to others unless they specifically disciple them.
(3) If good people do not disciple their children, those
children will probably follow bad people or bad influences.
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